Thy Riddle Family Christmas Letter 2010
2010 has been a stellar year in the Riddle household. We have so much to tell and so little space to do it in…
First of all, Nolan went through puberty in 2010. He now has armpit hair, so you know what that means (wink, wink). He is 13 now and plays soccer, football, basketball, has taken up snowboarding and jumping into snowdrifts whenever he can. When not making straight A’s, you can catch him taking knives to school, making B’s and C’s, and generally being a shithead to his teachers all for the attention of a few slutty girls. Rat bastard…
Natalie is a princess. Literally. We had her crowned in May in a special ceremony at the American Girl Place at the Mall of America. She even got a certificate, so Greg and I think it’s legal. She has never made us more proud this year as when she discovered that Santa was not real. At 10 years old, this is quite a feat! She is also playing in the local competitive soccer league on the U10 team called “the Fire” and she couldn’t be more cute and precious. We’re sure that the US Olympic team will be calling us soon.
Greg has been incredibly less stupid this year. He got a raise in July which put us over the $200,000 mark and we are SO looking forward to upping it to $250,000 soon so as to benefit from those “tax cuts for the rich” that we keep hearing about. Being rich is so fucking much fun that it hurts sometimes. He gets to travel to many faraway places which brings much joy to Kathy Greg because sometimes he even gets to ride a camel. And boy! does he LOVE camels! He also got to experience the most fiery shit of his life while in India in 2010—his ass hole is STILL burning from it and he hasn’t been there since July! Imagine how thankful we all are!
Kathy is a wonderful wife, mother and friend to all who grace her presence. She gives to the needy, cooks a mean casserole for her friends when they are in need, and is finding out that reaching nirvana is easier when not in a house that includes her family. Kathy met a nice friend this year in Las Vegas, Juan, who texts her often and even showed her some cool things that you can do to make money on the internet! For that, we are truly thankful!
We hope that you can be a mere fraction of what we are in the upcoming New Year! We are so, so very thankful for our wonderful lives and that we don’t have to live in abject poverty like we know some of you do. Baby Jesus is indeed glorified!
Merry Christmas to all! And to all a Bud Lite!
3 Comments:
oh no she didn't.
YOU are a fucking genius.
O.m.g. That was sheer awesomeness. I don't even know what to say. The fiery shit story is killing me! I so love you.
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