Horrible Expectations

Expectations.

This is what sets us up for hurt, disappointment, anger, loss.

Letting go of expectations is an incredibly difficult task and takes time. In the end it means some sort of loss that is usually grieved and a new normal is achieved.

I'm still working on that "new normal". It feels like a scratchy, stiff, wool coat two sizes too big that I am forced to wear for now. I have to wear it until I can bear my skin again. Or not.

Letting go is a skill, I think. You can either do it, or not. I've done so much of it that sometimes it seems unfair. Don't we all have certain expectations out of life and from the people around us? If things and people don't conform, is it right to give up? Recently, I read something on facebook (of course) that said something like, "everyone will hurt you; it's your decision to choose who is worth getting hurt by again."


Still confused. Still. I feel alone and busy and loved but all in different places.

What I've learned: letting go sucks and I should be really good at it by now. Expectations suck and I wish I had none. (My mantra? "You can't be disappointed if you expect nothing.") I like where I am and I intend to stay. I desperately love the people around me. They will disappoint me, sure, but one thing I know is that their love will abide and never fail. And mine will too.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In other news...

I've been soul searching for years now. I'm coming out of the closet: my name is Kathy and I am an agnostic.

Duh--right?