I feel I must explain, somewhat, the previous post.
I woke up yesterday to start my garage sale at 8:00 and the temperature was 38 degrees. The wind was blowing something like 100 miles per hour. Really. It was so cold that I dug my Uggs back out(which just so happened to be not too far away from the Birkenstocks, ironically), put on layers of fleece and down and hauled my ass out to set things up. Someone came by and told me the "wind chill" was 20. Wind chill? Really? They actually have that in the middle of May???? Fuck me.
Reason #1 that I hate this fucking place.
I've also been down and wallowing, as if you haven't noticed, for a little while now. It's like constant PMS has taken up residence inside me and feeling sorry for myself is just a natural emotion now. The voices and I do it a lot and I also talk to The Man about it and write a little bit about it here, but other than that it's "Happy Mommy" and pink pills as usual. And wine. And sleep. And other things that are fun and require little energy.
I realize life will never be the same for us as it was in Indiana. I know that. But it doesn't change the fact that we are very much alone here and the people...well, for the most part, the people are just cold and unfriendly and unbelievably clique-ish (reason #2 that I hate this fucking place). And I can't, for the life of me, figure out why. I could give you story after story about the utter and complete lack of care or just complete and utter disdain with which these people conduct themselves in our presence, but I won't; it's too exhausting. I'd rather play bejeweled blitz for the thousandth time, drink some more coffee and make a list a mile long of the things I need to be doing instead of playing bejeweled blitz and drinking coffee.
I had a conversation with myself yesterday as I was loading groceries into the back of my Murano at Costco (how suburban does that get?); I said, "Self? Yeah, you...the sorry, whining-ass bee-otch who thinks life sucks here, YOU! You have two choices: make yourself happy and thankful for what you do have, right now, or sit on your ass and let everyone and everything else have the power over you to make your life suck." Yes, I really had that very conversation at Costco, in the parking lot, while loading things like mango and Splenda and raw chicken legs into the back of my car. And the mango was verrrrrry good, by the way.
So I decided that I would be happy. I'd look at the bright side, which is totally not my nature, by the way. It was either that or run away and take my kids with me back home. And that wouldn't be quite fair to The Man now, would it? Or to the kids. Or to me or anyone.
So, don't expect me to not continue to complain and bitch and go to the dark side every now and then, because I'm still human for chrissakes. I'm just going to try to make this life and the follies of these people and this godforsaken place a little more laughable.
All the while eating tasty mango and loving my little family.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
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6 Comments:
Good for you and I know you can do it. All you have to do is put your mind and heart into it and keep the martinis close at hand!
I love this post! I have felt the same way as you. I don't know if it is the coming "change of life" or what, but I think I have 3 good days a month, and the rest is really, really bad PMS. I hate everything and everyone. I moved to Illinois after marrying my husband. We lived there for 4 years, and I don't think I had one conversation with the neighbors. I left there with not one friend. That was after living there 4 years! Then we moved to Massachusetts and lived in a development for 3 years. I never fit in. I was an older mom, having difficulties getting used to being a stay-at-home mom, and living in the land of super-perfect moms who have their kids on perfect schedules, perfect homes, and I felt that they looked at me and found me lacking. Needless to say, after moving from there, I left without a friend. Now we are living in a small town in Massachusetts, and I must say it is better. I do have neighbors that I have not even met after living here for a year, but I have made some acquaintances thru the moms at my son's pre-school. I finally feel that there are nice people out there. Sometimes it takes energy on my part to volunteer, to talk, to reach out and invite people over, to become involved. I have joined a book club. Even though I am not close friends with anyone there, it is something I look forward to. Sometimes it is a mind-set that you need to get yourself to think. I look around at my house, my kids and husband and think how lucky I am to have what I have. The rest of the Stepford Moms be DAMNED!
Thanks B. Mama. I like you a lot. You're one of the reasons Indiana is better than here.
Michele...I love you. You get it! You get it! Yes! I'm trying here, I really am. It's been a year and 9 months and I've started a bunco group, organized a neighborhood garage sale, met some local moms via craig's list, I volunteer at school...all for nothing or not much it seems sometimes. Thank you for your validating comment here. It is so incredibly comforting to know I'm not the only one!!!!! Thanks!!!!! You rock.
Heh. I've been there. I didn't even have to move, I just got divorced and had to reestablish a social network after the friend fall-out. It was SO hard! Like being the new kid in school all over again. Most of the people I found to connect with were transplants from out-of-state who were having similar problems finding people to befriend. On the plus side, once I found them, they became some of the best friends I've ever had. Hang in there. It'll get better.
I could have written this post myself! I've been feeling the exact same way (minus the whole living in a new place part). And same as you, I told myself to buck up and happy up. And if that didn't work, I planned on just drinking myself happy everyday!
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